Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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