just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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