and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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