im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
