i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
