Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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