as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
