Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
