five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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