The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The struggles of a small town man whore
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
