he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
