do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
