Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
