i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
