I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize