I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
