k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
