Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
