my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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