Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
