What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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