It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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