we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
