Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize