I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
