He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
