dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
