can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
