Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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