New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Everclear isn't food dammit
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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