She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
