I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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