Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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