We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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