i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
