His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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