all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
