Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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