Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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