i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
