I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
