I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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