Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
