He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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