ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
