So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
