My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
