Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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