I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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