Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
