i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you had me at cake vodka
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
