I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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