do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
