i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
