Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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