THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
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