Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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