i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
