Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
