it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
be right there i have to get my cape
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
