I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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