YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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