Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
