I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
