My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
