So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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